The Very First Paragraph (c. 2021 by Alicia Rasley)
In my years of evaluating manuscripts, I noticed the most common big mistake in scene openings is a lack of focus that results in confusion. I’ve read a lot of first pages where I’m exhausted just from trying to keep track of the names of nine characters and make sense of the situation, the people, the setting, the action, and the thoughts. Look, the purpose of the first paragraph isn’t to tell everything needed to understand the book. It’s just to get us to read the second paragraph.
But we probably won’t read on if the first paragraph reads like this:
Aaron Cathcart ran his hand through his sweaty hair, gazed up at the Porter mansion on the hill, where it sat foreboding and grim against a dark sky, and began trudging up the gravel driveway towards the marble front steps. He remembered what it was like in high school, delivering flower arrangements to places like this. Along the way he passed a jasmine bush, and the pungent smell assaulted his nose. On either side of the door were footmen in the blue and purple Porter livery, and as he approached, they moved in unison to open the great oak doors so he could enter the hall.
Reading that, I’ve learned exactly one important thing—a character’s name. Sure, I know there’s a mansion, and it apparently belongs to the Porters, and they’re rich enough to afford footmen. But I don’t care, because I don’t know if they matter to Aaron or if he just wants to use the phone to call the auto club.
The Scary Porter Mansion
Two things to remember about your scene opening: First, think of the opening as posing a question somehow that will tempt the reader into reading more. For example, the opening to a scene of Shirley Jackson’s famous short story “The Lottery” poses the question, “What is this lottery they’re gathering for?”
So the opening to Aaron’s scene could pose the question, “What’s he afraid he’ll find here?” or “Why is he entering the house of his enemy?” But the question has to be relevant to the story. Think about what question you want the reader to ask, and see if you can set that question up with the first few paragraphs.
Second, focus the opening. You simply can’t get everything in there, the setting, the characters, the situation, the backstory, and you end up leaving out important stuff like the conflict. Don’t even try to be comprehensive here, or you’ll just confuse. Think about one thing you want to introduce. But make it important. Think about starting with the character in some conflict. Aaron Cathcart stared up at the Porter mansion on the hill. That was the last place he wanted to go, and the Porters were the last people he wanted to ask for help. And if it wasn’t for the lady unconscious in his stalled car, he’d walk the two miles to the next town. But he had no choice, if he was going to save her life. - Conflict! --
Or maybe you want to start with character: Aaron Cathcart never asked for help. Nope, not now, not ever. He could take care of himself. That's what he had in place of religion, a stony self-sufficiency. And this afternoon, if he had any choice in the matter, he’d walk away, down the hill and away from his stalled car. But he didn’t have any choice, because he didn’t have the right to let the lady die for his principles. --
Or you could start with setting: The Porter mansion stood grim on a barren hill, the ugliest site in this pretty county. It had a sort of grotesque pride up there, surrounded by a gravel drive and a flat expanse of lawn, the gray tiles of the roof blank against the dark sky. No one could want to be there, and yet the Porter family had lived there for decades, when they could surely afford something else.
-- But focus on something. Don’t try to get everything into the first paragraph. After all, the whole point is to get the reader to read the second paragraph, where presumably will be other important information happening.
If you’re interested in learning more about how to build bolder scenes, I’m creating a great course! You can sign up to receive more information about the course when it’s ready for enrollment. (No obligation! This will just send an announcement to you.)
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